Episode 124
I have no regret.
Transcript
Hey, it's, uh, Cousin Vinny.
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:Vinny DeRosa here.
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:It's, uh, Monday, Labor Day,
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:the 7th of September.
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:Wasn't there a song
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:Was it the 7th of September
or 7th of December?
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:It was a song.
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:It just kind of just popped into my
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:green
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:Or your daddy dies.
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:Oh God, was it September or December?
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:Now, now I'm stuck.
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:I got, I gotta find that.
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:That's not the reason why I'm doing this
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:Life has some strange ups and downs,
back and forth, left, right, just stuff.
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:Last couple of podcasts I
did were health-related.
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:You know, things that occur in your
life that you would never, ever
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:anticipate, guess, or even think
could happen to you, but it happens.
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:Happens to all of us at some
point or someone that you know
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:and love, and you go, "Wow.
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:Wow, that was devastating."
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:Well, it is devastating at the moment
in time that it occurs, and I think the
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:biggest factor or contributing factor to
it is how you approach it when it happens
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:And, you know, I, like I said, I, I,
I did one the other day about all the
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:things that happened to me in that
six-year period, and that's just a
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:small snapshot of a person's life
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:Throughout your life you have
instances that occur good and bad.
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:Some are really ugly.
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:Some you look back and go,
"Why the hell did I do that?
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:What was the purpose behind that?"
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:There was no purpose behind it.
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:You were stupid, um, careless,
didn't know, you know…
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:Well, you knew what you were doing,
but you did it anyway, and it impacted,
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:excuse me, people, um, for their lifetime
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:I've had people do things to me that
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:I look back on and go, "Why?
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:Why did, why did you do that?"
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:And then you think, "Well,
yeah, I deserved it.
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:I've done something shitty to someone
else, so I get the shitty on me."
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:A-and that's, that's a bad way to think
about it, but I think that's what most
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:people do is, you know, you do something
bad, someone else is gonna do something
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:bad to you, so it's kind of a payback.
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:But it's not a payback because
you shouldn't have done the
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:shitty thing in the first place.
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:But I wanna get away from that point.
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:I wanna, I wanna talk about the good
stuff, the things that get you to
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:another place and point in your life
where you start to realize that, um,
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:you're not the center of the world.
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:You're just a little
bitty cog in the wheel
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:And that there are people who come into
your life, go out of your life, stay
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:in your life and cause you grief, uh,
or leave your life and cause you grief
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:I
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:I've been reflecting on a lot of
things these last five, six years
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:about what's really important.
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:And I think just in the last six, nine
months, my life was at a high point.
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:Things were never like that before
in my entire life where I felt,
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:wow, it's all come together.
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:Um, I, I have someone in my life
that I truly enjoy being with
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:And started to build things, and I totally
destroyed it because I didn't change me.
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:I tried to stay who I was, which
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:Was at times arrogant, stupid,
selfish, self-centered.
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:We all go through it.
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:No one, no one's perfect.
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:And I, I, uh, messed up
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:Not deliberately, but because of
my, um, mental being at the time.
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:And in the last six months, I've had
a lot of soul searching, and you can
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:see and hear some of it in my voice
and over the things that I've recorded,
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:and some of the realizations that I've
come to understand better each day
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:One instance or one incident
can frame a lifetime
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:You can't undo the screw-ups.
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:You did it, you know?
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:All you can do is pray that it, it,
it didn't cause too many issues.
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:But, you know, I, I, I've
had stuff done to me and I've
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:done things to other people.
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:You know, we, we all do it.
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:And I've
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:come to the point where I've asked
God to say, "Okay, um, you know what
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:I've done and what's been done to me."
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:I mean, there, the, the, the…
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:I, I, I, I've had things happen to
myself personally that I look back
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:and go, "Wow, that was pretty cold
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:I, I'm, I'm at that point now where
my life has taken a total complete 180
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:I, um
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:softer, smarter.
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:Uh, not maybe not smarter, but
more in tune to what's around
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:me, what's most important to me.
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:How much more time do I have?
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:Don't know.
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:Don't know when the clock's gonna run out.
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:But until it happens, my
focus and goal is to…
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:You can't undo what you've done, but all
I can do is, is go from this point and
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:Find ways to…
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:You can never make things better.
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:I mean, you know, I had stuff done to me
as a kid and as an adult in relationships
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:that I hurt some people and they
hurt me and, you know, you know, the
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:typical bullshit that goes on in life.
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:And later on you realize
and go, "Why did I do that?
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:That was such a waste of time and
energy," and put people through grief,
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:and they put me through some grief
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:That was yesterday.
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:That was yesterday.
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:And I always keep on saying,
you know, yesterday's done.
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:Yeah, you can't change it.
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:It happened.
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:It's over with.
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:Yes, it is.
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:Tomorrow, like I've said before too, and,
you know, uh, and, and it's been said
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:many a time, not only by me, but by many
others, there's no guarantee for tomorrow.
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:I can get done with this recording
like I've said in the past, and it
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:never gets posted, and it sits in my,
uh, files and no one ever hears it.
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:Or I can deal with it today.
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:So what I'm talking about is today.
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:Not tomorrow, not yesterday, today
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:Each morning I open my eyes
and thank God I'm still here.
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:And then I say, "Okay, what
is my mission for the day?
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:What is it that needs to be
addressed right now at this point
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:in time that's most important?"
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:I think the most important thing is
that you wake up with a clear mind.
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:You're focusing on, "Okay, here are the
things that I didn't get done yesterday.
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:Obviously, they weren't that important
'cause I didn't get them done.
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:You know, do I need to
worry about it today again?"
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:Well, if it wasn't that important
to finish yesterday, then
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:it's not that important today.
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:It was just a fleeting moment of, of, of
things you thought you needed to get taken
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:care of, and they weren't that important.
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:It wasn't, uh, high on the, on
the list of, uh, things that
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:Um, what's the, what's
the word I'm looking for?
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:It's, it's not high on the list
of, um, priorities, you know?
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:Um, I woke up this morning and I've been
fluctuating with my, uh, sleeping habits.
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:I got in such a habit that, you know,
I wouldn't go to sleep until 1:00,
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:2:00 because I was so enthralled with,
you know, I got, got, got into the
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:YouTube and, and I'm watching things
on financials, you know, where the
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:market is going and, um, with XRP
and, and what's going on with silver
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:and gold and, and, and the financial
end of it and worrying about things.
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:But you know what?
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:There's nothing I can do
about that again, too.
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:I don't have any control of that.
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:So I, I've learned to now, you know, just
let that be part of the background noise
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:I woke up this morning about
8:30-ish without an alarm clock.
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:I woke up, and I slept well for, uh,
first time in a long time 'cause I
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:didn't toss and turn 50,000 times.
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:I'm gonna start making a concerted
effort at evenings to just kinda shut
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:down the head, the mind, the thinking
about all the things that I shoulda,
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:coulda, woulda done, and just think
about the good things that happened
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:that day, even if they were minuscule.
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:You know, made a good dinner, went to the,
the grocery store, to the gym, or whatever
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:it was, you know, it was a positive thing.
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:Uh, called someone who I hadn't spoke
to in a while, and what triggered that
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:part is my good friend Frank, who passed
away unbeknownst to me, because we had
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:talked a couple of days before he passed,
making plans on him to come visit.
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:That visit never happened, and I think
that's been weighing on me the last
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:couple of weeks that hit me in the
head, really hit me in the head that
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:there's no guarantee of tomorrow.
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:And that's why I keep on saying when I
start these podcasts that yesterday's
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:gone, tomorrow's not a guarantee.
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:I'm gonna talk about the here and now.
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:I'm doing this recording,
you know, today at noon-ish.
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:Um, when I get done with the,
the end of it, I'll hit stop.
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:What happens to it from
that point, I don't know.
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:Excuse me.
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:You know, I'm having the coughs.
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:I noticed this in the last six months.
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:When I get stressed about something
or when I'm about to talk about things
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:that are, that are, uh, deep and
hard, I make this little hack cough.
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:It's, it's not a, it's not a guilt cough.
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:It's just a nerve cough that
something I'm about to say or do
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:is, is, is, is, is affecting me.
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:And see?
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:I did it again.
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:Now, the last couple of recordings I
did were just talking about my illnesses
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:and all the things that I went through
and the people that were involved in
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:my, my recovery, and very few times did
I ever sit there and clear my throat.
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:Why?
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:Because those things were important.
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:Those people were
important to me in my life.
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:I, I thought about every single person
that had a hand on me, you know,
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:during those six years, during the
blindness and the hip and the cancer,
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:you know, and, and then now the
neuropathy in my feet and my teeth.
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:You know, th-there's all these components
there it goes again, that impacted me.
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:And like I said, over the last month
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:I kind of think, "Why, why am I here?"
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:And I'm gonna keep asking that.
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:Why am I here?
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:Maybe one day it'll, it'll, it'll
come to me in, in, you know, blinking
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:lights and a s- you know, it'll,
it'll scroll across my eyeballs and
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:it'll go, "Here's why you're here."
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:I don't know why I'm here
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:I know that there's some people
in my life who are extremely
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:positive, uh, impacts on me.
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:Whenever I talk to them, uh, I am so proud
of them, uh, of their accomplishments,
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:what they're doing, what they're achieving
and, and, and doing with their lives.
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:It's, it's, it just, it moves
me to, to no end of degree.
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:I mean, I'm just so happy that I could at
least hear and, and s- and, and witness
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:their, their growth and their potential.
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:And at some point in the future,
I'll be able to talk about it more.
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:And when I do, oh man, it's,
it's gonna be so exciting.
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:Again, will I be there?
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:I don't know.
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:I hope to be there when it happens.
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:Um
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:I, uh
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:Background song, song is "O Sole Mio."
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:Typical Italian song you
grew up with as a kid.
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:Uh, just like the "We Mari" from
my grandmother and my aunt, you
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:know, and someone else special.
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:Kind of reminds me of,
um, just their presence.
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:But "O Sole Mio," uh,
the Italian theme song.
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:I didn't…
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:You know, I watch a lot of these videos
on, on YouTube and Instagram and all
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:these other places, and all these even
individuals who are from the Northeast
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:and New York area with the New York
accent, with the Italian accent.
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:Some of it's real, some of it's fake.
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:I, I can tell the fakies.
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:You know, they put on the play and
put on the show of acting like,
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:you know, the, the old Italian.
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:They're probably third
or fourth generation.
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:I'm first generation.
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:My parents came over on the boat.
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:I didn't speak English until I was five.
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:You wouldn't be able to tell
it from my voice, from my
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:mannerism, the way I, uh, talk.
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:I, I had friends of mine that talk
like, you know, the typical New York.
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:Um, I talk to my cousin Vinnie,
and he's got that in his voice.
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:I can hear it, you know, because
that's the place he grew up.
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:But I grew up there too.
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:I was 18 years old when
we moved here to Florida.
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:So I still had that in me, but I knew that
I didn't wanna become, not stereotyped,
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:because then people will prejudge, "Oh,
he's Italian, he's this, he's that."
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:Yeah, I am Italian.
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:I'm proud of it, but I'm also an American
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:What really has happened over the last few
months is made me softer, smarter to some
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:degree, more aware of my surroundings.
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:Again, a lot of people who have the
ability to do what I'm doing, a- and this
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:is, this is not restricted to anyone.
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:I mean, anyone can sit in
front of a microphone, talk,
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:and put it on the internet.
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:You see it on YouTube and, and, you know,
all the other places that they get on and,
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:and, and chit-chat and put their stuff on.
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:But a lot of things I see,
excuse me, are the subsurface.
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:They're, they're not, they're not going
deep into their, their, their psyche
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:I'm hoping that, not hoping, I'm,
I'm planning on over the next
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:weeks or so is to do some more, uh,
in-depth, uh, conversations about real
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:facts, real figures, uh, impacting.
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:I have a active legal real estate license.
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:Now, am I active in the community
doing any of it at the moment?
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:No.
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:Doing my real estate school
online, not in the classroom.
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:Uh, that will be coming back soon.
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:Will the brokerage side come back?
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:Probably to some degree, but
not as, as active as it was.
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:My focus between now and the day I check
out is basically to be a thorn in the
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:Association of Realtors' ass until I die.
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:This is Vinny Derosa.
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:Thank you for listening
